Come on in! I have a story to tell you.
Around this time last year, I had completed about 7 months of planning, dreaming up, and enrolling people into a beautiful luxurious retreat in Costa Rica that I put on with a friend and colleague. We put our hearts into every little detail and made a leap to go for a big, beautiful, all-inclusive venue, and we actually did incredibly well! I was feeling on top of the world with my business in general and so grateful to be moving it off the zoom screen and into the jungle the way I had dreamed!
A couple of days before take off, I got COVID. This was not the wear-a-mask-for-a-few-days kind. This was a lucky-if you-can-walk-to-the-fridge-to-get-water kind. I was laid out. Filled with incredible disappointment to not get to go lead my retreat, still my body was clear. I needed rest. I was in bed for over 2 weeks and experienced some long COVID symptoms for a while as well.
When I was in and out of the weird dreams and aches, I took some time to consider how to start relating to this as a gift. There was nothing I could do, so I started searching for the gratitude. I found immense gratitude for my retreat partner who led the entire thing on her own last minute to the extent that my clients and friends were still so happy to be there. I found it for my friends who came and brought me food and meds and offered to take things off my plate. I found it for the people who attended- their grace with letting it still be a trip of their dreams without me there. Even with aches behind my eyes and dizzy spells that made it hard to think, I found a way to find threads of light, imagining that maybe it would make sense eventually.
That's something I taught myself to do through much harder times than those, to find the gratitude and dream up scenarios that would make it all feel worth it. I have found that even if it ends up being a pacifier for the pain in the moment, it is worth it. Often though, it becomes a spark. A plan. A possibility.
Soon after I was feeling better, I was invited to guest teach at that same retreat venue which allowed me to be in that incredibly beautiful space the way I'd hoped, this time with the ability to rest as a guest for the majority of the time and to get the opportunity to share my work with many new people who had not yet experienced it. Sometimes, it's that quick and clear. Sometimes, it feels more metaphorical or abstract. Every time, I find my way again.
As you are settling into the fall season of the year, as things wind down around you whether you are slowing or not, begin to allow your body, your mind, and your spirit to rest. Rest before your body begs it of you, and in the dark corners of your mind, find the glimmers of light. Allow gratitude to create spaciousness where it has not existed before. The autumnal energy of release and decay is a wonderful time to slip gently into the space where grief or unattended sorrow may live. Rather than running from it or covering it up with a holiday sweater, invite it in for tea. Give yourself the gift of witnessing, and see where you can locate the beauty.
If this feels particularly unreachable, another access point may be to imagine yourself as a soul, floating around somewhere having completed your life as You. You get to replay it, and since you're so far removed from it, you don't have these pesky human emotions to make it all so significant. You get to witness it all objectively. In those darker spaces of your life, when the pain subsides, where is the beauty? What can you find when not looking to bypass, suppress, or indulge?
As always, I offer these thoughts with an invitation to go deeper into it with me. This month, I invite you to join me for a virtual workshop meditation and discussion "Invite Grief in for Tea" on Tuesday, 11/12 @ 4-5:30 PT by donation. RSVP as a response to this email, and I'll send you an invite! I have space for in person and virtual reiki sessions for those looking for an energetic reset or support in relaxation. Schedule a discovery session here any time.
